OMG!

The X-Files Movie! I can't wait!

wow, that's so great!

An interesting change I've noticed in myself as I've progressed in my student teaching - I'm becoming a much more complimentary person. But it's a little twisted.

In kindergarten, we use a lot of positive reinforcement. "I like how you are standing so quietly in line." "Thanks so much for sitting down so quietly." "I love how you are being such a good listener." My voice when saying such things sounds like the host of a preschool TV show - sort of cheery and highly enunciated.

This sort of thing is bleeding over into my personal life. Last night, while setting up the stage for Don't Spit the Water, some of the cast members were helping set things up, I said things like "Thanks so much for being a great helper. I really appreciate it!" "Thank you for doing that for me. You're so great!"

It sounds kind of fake when I say it all chipper and cheery - but the sentiment is real.

a cheer up

I just downloaded a bunch of pictures off my camera. Here are a few that cheered me up.

This is a pair of tiny, mouth-blown glass vases I bought last month that I love. I picked flowers on my walk today.


Maddie, in love with a turtle.


Rogue loves his canned food. And whenever he's waiting for his food, he sits right at the edge of the cabinets, leaning against them and watching the counter, just waiting for the food to appear.

stress, stress and stress

I just got my lease renewal from my landlord for next year (starting August 1) and discovered that instead of the customary $20 a month, my rent is going up $70 a month for next year. My rent is currently pretty far below market, especially considering how gentrified Ravenswood is becoming, but this is not what I was expecting.

If I knew I had a job for next year, this wouldn't really be a big deal. But it's hard to sign a lease for next year, not knowing if I'll have a full-time job, or be temping or subbing. If I don't get a job for next year, then temp work or subbing means less money coming in. It also means I continue to pay a significant amount for insurance each month through COBRA.

I hate having to worry about this. I'm okay for a while, but I am going to have to seriously start cutting back on my spending in order to make sure I have a cushion for as long as possible. I was hoping to be able to enjoy the summer, but it looks like I'm going to have to work as much as possible, to get some more cash in the bank to cover any gaps I might have later.

I feel sickish in my stomach right now. Guess I better spend the weekend writing as many cover letters as possible. I think I'm going to have to be less "picky" about where I am willing to work...

big fishes

Yesterday I got to spend the day doing something totally new. I took a two year-old to the Shedd Aquarium.

Maddie's parents are in the middle of moving, and needed to spend the day cleaning their old apartment. So rather than Maddie and I sitting around all day, we bundled up and took a bus and a train and a bus, and headed downtown.

If you've ever been to the Shedd in a wheelchair, or with a stroller, you know its not all that "wheel friendly." I got to spend a lot of time carrying a stroller up and down the stairs. Building the biceps!

Maddie seemed to have a pretty good time. She loved the reef tank, which had a very very large sea turtle in it. We had to go back to see the turtle about 4 times. We went home with a turtle. The shark tank was a disappointment because "dere's no turtle in dere," just "big fishes." Thankfully, there was a huge snapping turtle in the next room. "Hi turtle!"

The dolphin show was fun - we enjoyed seeing the dolphins jump and dive. We liked the sea otters. The huge komono dragon was dubbed an "alliegador."

The dolphins go "swim, swim, swim, jump!"

sink or swim

So I'm alone with my kids today. There's a sub, but I'm in charge and running the show.

Nobody's dead yet, and nobody's pooped their pants, so I guess it's going pretty good.

pundits have no sense

In watching the returns from the Pennsylvania primary last night, and in reading some of the news stories today, I'm a bit irritated by the response to Obama's "loss" in Pennsylvania. There's been a heavy focus on the fact that Obama spent a lot of money in Pennsylvania, but couldn't win it.

Clinton was always expected to win Pennsylvania. But a few weeks ago, Obama was down 20 points in Pennsylvania. Last night, the spread was only 10 points. That's a pretty large gain for only a few weeks.

And the pundits keep making some sort of connection between who wins a state in the Democratic primaries, and who could win a state against McCain in the general election. As if the fact that Clinton won Pennsylvania means that Obama couldn't win that state in the general election. As if 95% of the Democrats who voted for Clinton wouldn't choose Obama over McCain.

These pundits claim that if their candidate were to lose the nomination, a large number of people would vote for McCain or else would just stay home. This seems absurd to me - this has been one of the largest primaries in history, and after that, I can't imaging that many people would sit out the general election. Even if some did, the numbers of people voting in the Democratic primaries, versus the Republican primaries, has been almost 2 to 1 - even before McCain cinched the nomination.

The argument that when either Clinton or Obama takes the nomination, the other's voters are going to sit out or vote REPUBLICAN is ludicrous.

oh, meatloaf

There's a new commercial for the "Go Phone" that I've caught a couple of times. It uses the song "Paradise by the Dashboard Light" by Meatloaf.

Disturbing that a song that is blatantly about a guy trying to get into a girl's pants is being reworked to be sung between a dad and son about the dad buying the kid a phone.

Sad that Meatloaf is singing in the commercial and playing the dad. It just makes the whole thing weirder.

However, I do enjoy a recent new commercial for Dairy Queen. It begins with a dad talking to a class on career day, and saying "So that's what it's like to be a spy." The kids say, "Wow" but aren't overexcited. Then the next dad comes in and says he owns a Dairy Queen and is making everyone Blizzards, and the kids go nuts. Three more dads wait outside, and one says "How do we follow that?" They are an astronaut, an animal tamer with a lion, and a guy wearing a jet pack.

It's silly and it makes me laugh, without being disturbing. My class has career day on Friday. We don't have a guy with a jetpack, but one of the dad's IS a race car driver.

Inadequacy

I really wish I could figure out why I feel so awkward in social settings, and then get over it.

I attended two "social functions" on Friday (which is like a record for me).

First was a "teacher appreciation" lunch at my school. During our "in-service" day, we broke for a lunch buffet at a nearby restaurant. Of course, most of these teachers have known each other for a year, if not many years, so coming in at the end of the year as the new kid makes it hard to get to know people. And I am one of those people who has such a hard time talking to people in situations where I don't know many people. My cooperating teacher is nice enough, but she doesn't always remember to introduce me to people, or draw me into conversations, etc, so a lot of time I end up standing back by myself, because I'm too uncomfortable to just stick my nose in.

Later last night, I went to a gathering at a local bar, for a friend who is leaving town for 6 months (to perform in a show in Alaska!). It was mostly people I knew, but even so, I still felt slightly "outside." I tend to feel like I'm the "extra" person. Established groups sit together, talking, and whenever I attempt to join one, I can never seem to blend in properly. I blame me, not them. I just always feel less important, or unnecessary, and eventually I'll move off to try somewhere else, or just sit back and listen.

I don't think it's social anxiety, really. I don't freak out or panic or anything. I just feel like I don't fit in. I suppose it's the self-esteem issues that I've never really solved. I managed, through counseling and medication, to fix so many other issues, but that one never really got resolved. It just seems like, in any group, I always consider myself the lowest rung on the ladder. Like I'm the one you talk to when someone better isn't available. How do you cure that feeling?

the road to 30

There are gray and white hairs appearing in my eyebrows.

This is an upsetting development.

You Look Fancy!

Inspired by the hilarious things my kindergarteners say, I've started a new writing prompt blog, called "You Look Fancy!" Each week I'll post a quote from one of my kindergarteners as a writing prompt. Anyone who wishes to respond to the prompt is invited to send in poems, essays, short stories - whatever floats your boat.

The first prompt is posted, so please check it out! http://youlookfancy.blogspot.com.