the importance of information

So for the past 6 years, I've been working in promotions and marketing. My degree isn't in marketing, and I don't claim to be an expert. But if there's one thing I've learned, its that when you're trying to promote or sell something, you want to make it look as attractive as possible to your potential buyers.

When you're selling something, you often survey your past audience to find out what they liked and didn't like about the product. You survey potential buyers to find out what they want. This information doesn't usually mean changing the product itself, but changing how you present it, what you emphasize.

We do this in business, because it's about money. The more information we have about how our audience sees our product, the more we can sell and the more money we make. The information is important.

Wouldn't it be amazing if we had that information in our dating lives? Some simple, non-hurtful way of finding out what it is about the way we present ourselves that attracts or repels the opposite (or same, whatever) sex? We do it in sales, and that's just about money. Dating is about our hearts, our happiness, our lives. And because its personal, because we can feel so fragile, we can't wind up a date with "so, if you don't want to go out with me again, can you give me the top three reasons why?"

But think how helpful that "post date survey" would be! I'd love to have had some way to tell the guy who would not shut up with inane stories about every person he's ever met that he'd have had a much better chance at a second date if he'd let me talk for more than 30 seconds with cutting me off to tell another 20 minute story. Or tell handsy-guy that stopping 4 times to try to make out with me while walking me 5 blocks home isn't really appropriate for the second date.

I'm not advocating by any means "changing yourself" to get a date. I'm not suggesting that smart girls act dumb, or girls with good metabolisms order only salad, or guys feel required to pay for everything. But there IS a way to present the better side of yourself, or the possibility that your date behavior isn't quite what you think it is. If only there was a way to get this information from past dates and relationships, in a non-embarassing way.

Getting this information doesn't mean you have to make the change, but it does mean you can become more aware of your behavior, and decide if it is something you want to address. Especially if it is something that came up again and again in those "post date surveys."

For example, I know that when I get really excited in talking about something, I tend to drop the F-bomb a bit more than I might normally, which some might find off-putting.

But what else? I can be sarcastic - do guys find me too sarcastic? Am I overly blunt? Is my habit of dropping inane triva cute or annoying? Are those things I might want to try to temper? I might think I know the annoying things I do, but what if there's something else I'm doing that I'm not even aware of?

Is the fact that I'm smart and don't care who knows it problematic for the guys I date, or the fact that I have some junk in the trunk? Ah, and here's where market research comes in handy for a different reason. Because sometimes its not how the product is presented, it's the audience you're trying to sell to. Sometimes the information you get means you don't change the packaging, you change who you're trying to it sell to.

Anyone who wants to annoymously, but honestly, post in the comments what they think might be some of my dating problems, I'm willing to listen. (This could seriously go to hell in a handbasket)