Inadequacy

I really wish I could figure out why I feel so awkward in social settings, and then get over it.

I attended two "social functions" on Friday (which is like a record for me).

First was a "teacher appreciation" lunch at my school. During our "in-service" day, we broke for a lunch buffet at a nearby restaurant. Of course, most of these teachers have known each other for a year, if not many years, so coming in at the end of the year as the new kid makes it hard to get to know people. And I am one of those people who has such a hard time talking to people in situations where I don't know many people. My cooperating teacher is nice enough, but she doesn't always remember to introduce me to people, or draw me into conversations, etc, so a lot of time I end up standing back by myself, because I'm too uncomfortable to just stick my nose in.

Later last night, I went to a gathering at a local bar, for a friend who is leaving town for 6 months (to perform in a show in Alaska!). It was mostly people I knew, but even so, I still felt slightly "outside." I tend to feel like I'm the "extra" person. Established groups sit together, talking, and whenever I attempt to join one, I can never seem to blend in properly. I blame me, not them. I just always feel less important, or unnecessary, and eventually I'll move off to try somewhere else, or just sit back and listen.

I don't think it's social anxiety, really. I don't freak out or panic or anything. I just feel like I don't fit in. I suppose it's the self-esteem issues that I've never really solved. I managed, through counseling and medication, to fix so many other issues, but that one never really got resolved. It just seems like, in any group, I always consider myself the lowest rung on the ladder. Like I'm the one you talk to when someone better isn't available. How do you cure that feeling?