So I am currently doing a complete re-examination of my life and deciding on my path. For the past three+ years, I have been in graduate school, and had to stay here in Chicago. But at the end of November, I am done with the final class of my graduate program. At that point, the tie requiring me to stay in Chicago is cut.
The past few months have been painful ones for me. I'll be honest - I really did not expect to be where I am now - jobless and substituting irregularly. Over the summer, I don't think it ever occurred to me that someone wouldn't hire me. Maybe that's partially my own fault, for not "selling" myself enough. But I honestly believed SOMETHING would come through.
Instead, I'm eating into the last bit of my savings to pay the rent, and there's no job in sight. This morning, I just called my temp agency from the summer to report myself available for short term temp assignments, because I can't keep working part time as a sub. Last month, Forbes rated Chicago the most stressful city in America to live in, in part because of the high unemployment and high prices. For me, I suppose getting mugged didn't help.
Besides all that, I feel like my life in Chicago is changing. Most of my friends are married, or at least in LTRs, having kids - their lives are contracting down from a wide circle of friends. I don't blame them, I'm not angry - that's just what happens, but in this case I'm being left behind. In this city, I feel more and more anonymous and alone. The CTA is getting worse rather than better, making every trip into a trek. I'm not performing, and I can honestly say that I'm getting tired of being a workhorse for a theater that provides me absolutely no reward, only aggrevation.
As for being a teacher, the subbing that I have done has made me more and more skeptical of most of the Chicago Public Schools. There are gems here and there, but in most, I think it's a matter of keeping control and trying to past the tests. I could work in the suburbs, but to get to most of them I'd need a car, which I cannot afford until I get a job, and probably not even then. So right now, I spent $50,000 on a master's degree and a teaching certification that I can't use, or if I do, I might end up like my friend B., angry and disillusioned.
So, I am thinking about moving back to Ohio. My family is there, and I still have friends there. I have a couple of personal family reasons why I'd like to be back there. But in addition it is much cheaper to live, and I could borrow a car from my parents until I had a full-time job and could buy one. To get my teaching certification, I'd have to take a couple of tests, but that is all. I'm not sure what the teaching job market is like there, but it can't be worse than here. And on a positive note, there is one single job database and resume submission process for the entire area, encompassing many districts, rather than the single-school method used in Chicago.
I'm thinking about moving after the first of the year. The biggest question would be - will my landlord let me out of my lease, which isn't up until August. I suspect that I can talk them into it, considering that I'm paying $100-200 less than everyone else in my building.
There are of course things and people here that I'd miss. But with a car, I'd be able to visit often. I'm open to comments and advice - in fact, I'd love to have them. Please let loose in the comments.
10.20.2008
advice in this situtation?
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21 comments:
I'd certainly love to have you around! (Where in Ohio do you call home?)
It sounds like you have made your decision, just from the way you talk about it.
Eebs, you're one of the people that I consider one of my "Ohio" friends - I think if we lived within 50 miles of each other, we'd get on like gangbusters. I was always kinda sad that I graduated before we got to hang out. If I go back to Ohio, it'd be to the south suburbs of Dayton, at least to start.
It does sound like I've made a decision, but I do get these periods of depression where I want to take a trip or uproot my life, because I can only see the bad around me. I want to throw this open so people can remind me of the good I might be forgetting, or point out the negs I might be ignoring.
2-3 years ago I thought about moving back to Ohio, as you know. I'd just come off a really bad job, and everyone I knew was in a serious relationship while I was single with a string of mistakes in my rearview mirror. Look at the landscape now--totally different.
Just something to consider. I understand and support your reasons for moving, even though I'd be personally sad of course! I would recommend before making a decision you do some heavy research and make phone calls in Ohio to see if you can get a handle on the teaching job market there. Maybe even make the trek to some (teaching) job fairs if you can find them. It would suck to uproot your life, spend the money to move (because moving across two states will definitely cost money, as we know!) and end up in a similar situation.
In regard to your apartment, will the property company assist with a sublet? That's something I noticed written into my lease which was a comfort. If nothing else you can surely sublet on your own.
And the theater you feel is not rewarding you? You don't have to move two states away to get out of that one.
Big city living is hard enough even on the good days, and I don't think there's anything wrong with realizing you're at a crossroads and that moving back to Ohio may be better for you both financially and emotionally (which are often tied together, as I've learned over the years!).
I know lots of folks here in Chicago would miss you. And things WILL get better, regardless of where you live.
I hope you'll stay.
First things first. Finish the degree, if you haven't already.
Your landlord will NOT look favorably at leaving in the middle of a Chicago winter. You WILL pay an early departure fee.
If the theater company is draining you more than it's energizing you, for God's sake, leave it. There are 300 in the city; find one that will value what you give.
Don't limit yourself to Ohio -- look at every job market you can. The job market is about to get very nasty, and the folks who leave themselves open to the widest array of possibilities will profit. Plus, you might find a couple of areas in the country that surprise you with the intangibles.
Your friends will remain your friends. Your buddies will fall by the wayside, and you'll find new ones. You need to find your life again. Look everywhere, Speedy, and don't settle.
you know, i feel and have felt like that often enough. and i even moved from ny to chicago to try to rectify the problem and while that did, you stilla re you and you still get sad about certain things. i know i totes dont know the entire sitch but maybe instead of moving completely out of the city, you just need something that's a change of pace. i know a new job is hard, but you could always try to move to a new place. or even paint or change the one you are in now. its not huge but its make a difference in the way you feel about your life... so you dont feel like you are in the same apartment doing nothing... you know...?
anyway, you can always sublet your place via craigslist. its easy.
Yeah, CPS. It's broken. I'll e-mail you with a lead to a suburban contact we both know who works the job you wish you had and is totally accessible by public transportation. But, for now, do one of those sheets of paper divided in half: reasons to leave in one column, reasons to stay in the other. I'm in the same place you are more or less. Moving in with my parents is not an option for me. But we all get to that place the Mr. Joe Strummer sang about "Should I stay or should I go now". Wish I was more help, but just do what's right for you.
Thanks everyone for the comments. It helps to get some additional insights.
If I were to leave Chicago, at this point it would ONLY be for the Dayton area, for personal and financial reasons. In only a small handful of places could I live without a car, and there is no way I could buy one at the moment. In Dayton, I could borrow one from my parents until I got on my feet. And like I mentioned, I have some serious personal reasons for wanting to be in Dayton (my 92 year old great-grandmother, and another major, but currently secret, motivating factor).
Financially, Chicago is becoming more than I can afford, unless I find full-time work in the next 2 months. My final option is to get a roommate to share living costs. Because I'm not going to find a cheaper apartment on my own. I am paying an obscenely small amount of money for sort of small two bedroom. I hate the idea of having to share my living space that's basically been my own for the past 4+ years. In the south suburbs of Dayton, I could get a one-bedroom, with utilities, for a little over half what I'm paying now.
The real question is - what is the job market like in Dayton/Cincinnati? I'm trying to do some research now and get some information. Do they need teachers there? Could I temp until next fall, and then find a job?
I don't know you, but as someone who moved far away from home for college/grad school then moved back, home is great for the soul. My dad almost died while I was done, and I regretted every minute I was away from my family.
But first, check out the jobs in Dayton. You'd hate to move from a bad situation to an equally bad one. Also, plenty of cities have great public transport, so I agree with others to not limit yourself.
It seems like you've thought this out and have really valid reasons for considering relocating. Sounds like a lot of pros to moving back home near family. I can say that living near my family is a big reason I moved to Seattle and I'm glad my Mom moved up here too.
So, I say, go for it!
Speedy!
Sometimes it takes strength to do what seems like the "easier" choice. I think with everything that's going on the world, moving to a more stabalizing environment is not a bad decision.
But we would miss you, there would definitely be a hole in Chicago without you!
steph -
have you talked to your cousin jason about the teaching market around here? is he still friends with evan marsh? evan teaches somewhere around cincinnati from what i understand through running into him when i worked at the record store.
maybe you could get some local insight on jason's end and i am sure a couple of "people you may know" on facebook who we went to school with may be people who have some experience with or are working in schools in and around dayton/cincy. and your cousin probably knows a lot of teacher-types of course.
i have been at the crossroads many times. i totally understand your motivating factors for coming back home. and it sounds like you are really at an "i gotta do what i gotta do" point. maybe right now isnt the time to jump into something totally foreign and weird. you can pair the new goodness youve learned in prep for your masters and teaching, find a decent job and set up some roots while also being surrounded by family and friends and familiarity and getting to spend some time getting back on your feet.
im sending you lots of luck and good things. you deserve it. i know it feels like suck and also ass, but realize right now the job market is pretty crappy, too, and it's not in any way a reflection of your abilities... you are in a tough area when it comes to job competition, too. i know many people who haven't had much job luck as of late, regardless of their field, skill set or discipline.
girl, you gotta do what you gotta do :] but most importantly, be happy. and dont kick yourself for whatever decision you make... it just perpetuates a crappy cycle that makes life un-fun.
hearts,
kristi
It does sound like you have some very valid reasons for moving back to Ohio, and I hope that you are happy with whatever decision you make. There are a heap of positives that come with living close to family.
It blows unbelievable chunks that you (and Bryan) are so talented and motivated to pursue the selfless career or teaching and that it has been so hard for you.
And if you end up moving out of Chicago, it doesn't mean that you'll be leaving forever.
Some peripherally related observations...
There are theaters in this city with incredibly supportive casts and companies that are so invested in all aspects of the theater. In the few theaters I've been able to observe, The Playground is by far the most neglected by its own performance base... so it's no surprise that you, in your role at the theater, go mostly unappreciated.
It seems that space is held together by a small core of super dedicated and motivated people that get little to no support from the membership.
Anyway, my point is that this one unsatisfying aspect of your Chicago residency can be remedied pretty easily and quickly by either leaving the PG, and/or volunteering your time at an actual functioning theater.
But otherwise, I'd say there's nothing wrong with hitting the reset button and moving closer to family. You'll probably know if it was the right decision pretty quickly, and if it was the wrong move, you know you can come back to Chicago any time.
And then to contradict myself again, if I had a choice, I'd rather be super depressed out on my own in a big city than super depressed staying at my mom's house.
Well, I feel I could be a great resource for you. I work for the state, and it's our agency's mission to support educators. I have lots of colleagues connected to schools, districts, etc. across the state.
Should you end up out this way, I would be very excited and let me know how I can help.
Oh Speedy,
Life is so messed up, isn't it? Wonderful, beautiful and messed up. I am sorry you are having such a hard time. Something that always helps me to think of is that the only thing that "moving" means is that you go somewhere else and stay there. It is easy to get all wrapped up in the huge and heavy idea of moving to a new place, but when it comes down to it, you are still you and your life is still your life, you are just in a different environment. It takes the pressure off a bit. So if your heart is telling you that you need to go home for a while, I think that is an important thing to listen to. And yes, you can always come back, and your friends are going to help you with whatever you decide. We can help you if you stay, we can help you if you go, we can help you if you come back. Sadly, the decision does have to be your own, but if there is anything we can help you with in any direction, we will if we are capable.
As for the question of getting out of your lease--a potential hassle or payment to get out of it might be worth the freedom and relief of moving on. A small price to pay in the grand scheme of things, really.
I think you are awesome.
Only you can know what will truly make you happy! Follow your heart. :)
hey auntie speedy -
i'll just come right out and say it: please don't leave. we need you, and we love you. everything is going to be o.k.
please stay.
-DG
Chicago is a very frustrating place. It's like a best friend with a tourette's tick where they punch themselves violently in the genitals once every 90 minutes. You love everything about Chicago, the food, the culture, the dreams, the potential, but then something so asinine you thought it only possible in the worst parts of the country happens. We have the most openly hostile, corrupt, unpunishable police forces in the planet. Our busiest roads are paved with giant steel sheets. Our trains and buses guarantee a masturbating bum not just on every train, but now every train car, and it's only faster than jogging to your destination by a few minutes. Schools are held together with masking tape and tears.
How could I blame you for wanting to move? I constantly dream of a New York, as I never moved away from my home city. If my family lived elsewhere, Dayton or otherwise, I would be taking the idea pretty seriously right now. Yet, I love this place. I'm just so tired of explaining the dualistic nature of that love to the die-hard Chicago lovers. It's like they think the masturbating bums and the roid rage cops are a staple no matter where you live. This city needs more than the Olympics to live up to it's potential, it needs permanent jobs, industry, respect for the arts, it goes on forever.
Bottom line: just because you love it doesn't mean you can't come back to it later, maybe after you've filled out your resume and refilled your savings account.
hey Speedy--
I'm so sorry to read about this hard time. As a buckeye, I can definitely related to not being near the family and Ohio friends, and feeling overwhelmed and wondering what do I want here, am I getting it, am I happy how can I find happiness.
It's really tough--I too am out of work starting tomorrow and no real job prospects.
I just hope you know that I think you are great, talented, generous and wonderful.
Best of luck with this decision making!
And in terms of Ohio schools--two of my siblings and my sister-in-law are teachers (Middle School Language Arts, High School English with Drama on the side, Middle School Art Teacher).
They all teach in schools in the Western Suburbs of Cleveland....and usually like their jobs, sometimes hate it....I think even perfect school systems have their flaws.
But, my brother did teach at a really horrible school system his first year (Shaw in Cleveland) and had to get out and go to a better-funded district.
Anyway, I'm not sure what my point is....but that mostly I hope you find some peace and that you will figure it out.
Becky
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