want and fear

while in California, I simply fell in love with the Central Coast. It's such a treat for the eyes. The mountains, the cliffs, the shades of the water.







Part of me is screaming out to move there, to live among the beauty, among the casual attitudes. After 8 years in the city, and 22 in the suburbs, part of me is crying out for some tranquility. There are parts, north of Monterey and south of San Francisco, that are quiet and amazingly beautiful, yet with easy access to the "real world."

In about a year and a half, I'll be completely finished with my graduate program, and free to move, to live anywhere I want. For years I've had an urge to live on the Pacific Ocean. Yet the thought of moving across the country, to a place where I don't know anyone, alone, is terrifying.

But I read this woman's blogs, first about riding a Vespa across country and then about living in a cabin in Wyoming and raising a wild coyote, and I almost hate myself. Why this fear of the unknown? This is my life. My ONE life. Should I spend it only engaged in what I know, only do things when I have someone there to back me up?

I spent four days on a vacation, alone. At times it felt awkward and uncomfortable, and other times it was absolutely freeing. I saw so many new things, had new experiences, talked to new people. There are so many other things I want to do that I haven't yet done. I long to camp out in the desert and for the first time, really see the stars. I long to visit the Grand Canyon. I want to backpack across Europe.

Next year, I'll be 30 years old. When will I do these things, if not now?

california

I finally managed to load a selection of my pictures from my trip to California, into Flickr. I took about 900, but I only loaded 50 or so. Thank me later.

I'll blog in the next day or so about the trip - the pictures have descriptions, so you can get a pretty good idea of what was going on through them. In short, it was an amazing trip and I had a really great time.

The central coast of California is so beautiful - if you haven't been, make the trip, especially if, like me, you grew up in the Midwest. I'm so used to the flat plains of the Midwest. The mountains were breath-taking, and when you add in the rocky coastline, it's really just amazing. Every curve of Highway 1 was a treat to the eyes.

a sunshine injection

rather than head to gloomy Ohio, I'm treating myself to four days on the Central California coast over the Thanksgiving weekend. I'll be flying out early on Thursday morning, and flying home very early on Monday morning. I'll be taking my laptop, as well as a brand new and snazzy camera, so I'll try to blog and post some pictures.

The coast along Monterey and Big Sur looks absolutely beautiful, and my plan is mainly to drive around and generally just go wherever I feel like it. I'm planning to go on a whale watching cruise, and will also be staying a night in a lodge up on the edge of a cliff overlooking the Pacific.

Happy Thanksgiving!

the vacation update

I'm home from Florida, and had a wonderful time. Thankfully, not a sun-poisioning time. Judicious use of sunscreen seemed to do the trick (did you know that sunscreen takes 15-20 minutes to go into effect? It's true!).

The ladies and I went to the Everglades one day, which was insanely fun. We saw alligators (not rubber!) up close in the wild, and the whole area is just beautiful. It was so quiet! You forget what that kind of quiet, so far from the background noise of the city, can really be like.

The island we stayed on, called Marco Island, is south of Naples - it's basically the southern most part of civilization on the Gulf Coast, until you get down to the Keys. In between, it's all just mostly part of the Everglades. Marco is a snowbirds area - the population more than doubles during the winter. While we were there, it was pretty dead. The houses down there are just beautiful, and the beaches are amazing. I have a bunch of pictures that I took that I'll get up on Flickr soon.

gifts to myself...

So I'm writing this on my new Macbook. As a little present to myself, I decided that I really needed a laptop to make my new teaching career easier, that it would be much easier to work and grade if I wasn't taking paper work and thumb drives back and forth all the time, and I could have all my information in one place, rather than working on a classroom and a home computer. And I can also now watch TV and be on the internet at the same time.

In other exciting news, I'm heading to Florida in the morning with my two best girlfriends, so we're going to have 4 days worth of AWESOME fun. But now, I need to finish packing, and also maybe analyze a few more galaxies...

East Coast Girls are Hip

I'm back! I've been on the East Coast since mid-June, first at a conference for work, then at a beach in Delaware for a few days.

The conference took place in Washington, DC, which is one of my favorite cities. I got to spend one day on touristy stuff, and being the huge dork that I am, chose to go to the Senate and House gallaries. Which, being the huge dork that I am, was my favorite part of my trip. (Not that the beach wasn't nice.)

Now, this is something that most people don't know. When in DC, you can walk right into the buildings that house the congressional offices. You have to go through a metal detector, but once you do that, they just let you wander around - you don't have to prove that you have any reason whatsoever to be there. I went to the Rayburn Office Building, which is one of three that has HoR offices. It also has rooms for different Congressional committees - the Committee on Judiciary, the Committee on Foreign Affairs, etc. When you watch C-SPAN (which I know you all do), and see someone being indicted before the Committe on Judiciary, it's in that room that I walked past! Someone was being questioned about something when I was there - the door was open and the room was packed, and I could hear stuff being said into microphones, but I couldn't figure out who it was or what was going on, and I didn't want to linger too long and get thrown out. But at the door of the building, by the metal dectectors, there was a little paparazzi of reporters with their cameras and lattes, and whenever anyone entered the door or came out of the building into the foyer, they'd all sit up excitedly, then flop back down. I wondered if they were just always there, but I went back the next day, and they were gone, so I'm guessing the Judiciary hearing was something big - anyone know what was going on last Tuesday?

Anyway, the point is, you can go to your Representative's or Senator's office and say "I'd like a pass for the gallery" and they give you this little card and you get sent through the back halls of the Capitol building (no cameras) and can go sit up in the gallery and watch YOUR REPUBLIC IN ACTION! This isn't part of the regular Capitol building tour - you have to go through your Congressperson (either this way, or on a "staff-led" tour, which I think you can set up for groups, in which your Congressperson's lowly assistant gives you a tour then takes you to the gallery).

Since I was intimidated by the idea of going into the Senate Office buildings, I went to my representative's office (Rahm Emanual!) - I'd been to Rayburn the day before, for work (day of the Judiciary bru-ha-ha, but not for Judiciary bru-ha-ha), so I was a tiny bit more familar and less intimiated by it. Turns out Rahm's office is in the building across the street, so up I go and get a pass from his very young (college student?) receptionist (office was full of old men in suits with some sort of veterns group buttons).

Pass in hand, I head back over to Capitol Hill to figure out where I was supposed to go. I also had gotten a pass for the Capitol tour, but being that part of it was outside (and it was about 100 humid degrees), and also the fact I'm not too keen on groups, I was more interested in getting into the gallery. So I went over to the beginning of the tour line, and asked the guide what to do with my pass. She said that since I only had a House Gallery pass, the entrance I would have to use was the one where all the tour groups went in (meaning very long line). I said I had a tour pass, but if I did the gallery and skipped the tour, would I being missing anything major, and she said nothing much, aside from the Rotunda. I decided to forgo the Rotunda, since that meant not marching around Capitol Hill in the melting heat with Middle-American tourists. Then she said, "Since you only have a House pass, I'll give you a Senate pass. That was you can go around and go in the other entrance - there'll be no line, and you'll also be able to go to the Senate gallery."

Who cares if I was intimiated by the Senate office buildings! I got to go to the Senate gallery anyway. I take a long hike around the Construction at the front of the Capitol (past the Library of Congress and the Supreme Court), to get to the Senate side of the building. On a small tangent - I'm curious about the fact that the Capitol and the Supreme Court face each other, right across the street from eac other, on a hill, while the White House is down the street, perpendicular to both, and really only able to see the Capitol Building's backside - is this symbolic in some way?


Anyhow, I get around to the Senate side (no line! and I see Senator Chuck Hagel) and get to walk around the veranda of the building to the back (where the Steps are) to enter. This was cool, because when you just walk up to the Capitol, the Steps are blocked off completely by security - you can't get anywhere near them. From my vantage point, I could see all the way down the mall to the Lincoln Memorial, and had a good view of the Capitol itself.



Now, once inside, it's a total clusterfuck. They send you into this big room, where all the tours go through, and the signs are really sort of vague (arrows that point towards a wall with three doors, etc). I finally get into the right line to start my journey to the Senate gallery, but it's also the line for the "staff-led tours" of the Capitol, so I'm in the middle of a group of bored Hispanic youth leaders being shown the statue of Jefferson. I weasel through them, and make the turnoff for the Senate gallery. Now it's sort of like "good luck!" This isn't like a museum or national park. All the people working inside are kind of surly and seem pissed that you're bothering them, and the directional signs are terrible. You basically wander down hallways and hope you're in the right place, and only find out you're not when someone yells at you. But the staircases were all marble, and worn into deep grooves from the thousands of feet, and all the walls are gilted or covered with paintings, and the light fixtures are gorgeous.

At last, I'm outside the door to the Senate gallery. Once I get inside, I see that they're only using two of the eight sections that are available, so people have to wait outside for someone to leave, before they can go in - they don't kick you out once you're in - you can stay all day if you feel like it. I didn't have to wait long before I got to go in. This was last Wednesday, when the Senate was debating and voting on 26 different amendements to the immigration bill. For the debating, there weren't really too many Senators in the room. Mostly, there was one guy going on about the fact that the Senate leaders were trying to prevent debate on the different amendements. This seems like it might be the case, because they eventually got back to the amendement at hand, and then called for a vote pretty soon after. There was a vote!

The votes are awesome to watch! First, there is a roll call - the clerk who sits on the dias directly below the President pro temp (or whomever is presiding that day) calls all the senators' names. During this, all the staffers sitting along the back of the room go into action, and many scurry out to make sure their Senator gets to the vote. Once all the names are read, the clerk starts taking the votes. He'll look up, and a senator holds up his hand and makes eye contact with the clerk. The clerk hits a button on his desk that turns a light in front of him red, then says the Senator's name and the senator points a finger either up or down, and the clerk repeats the senator's name, and then says their vote, while recording it on a long tally sheet (from my vantage point, it basically looked like a 4 foot scantron), then hits his button again, turning off his red light, to indicate he can take another vote, catches the eye of another Senator with hand raised, and does it again.

As this goes on, Senators appear in the room - a few at first, then more and more over the next ten minutes. They've likely had the C-SPAN broadcast of the debates on, wherever they are, or they already know how they're going to vote, or they've been briefed by a staffer. There is a laptop set up at a desk on the main floor, and some of them come over to read the amendement they are voting on before voting (s-m-r-t!). Some vote and then leave right away, others debate in a huddle before voting, and several wander around to talk to other Senators after voting. Almost all 100 voted, so I saw Obama and Clinton both, along with quite a few others. I was intrigued by the fact that there was more buzz in the gallery when Obama came in than when Clinton came in. But it could be that Obama is very tall (and pretty much the only black guy in the room), and Hillary, in a room full of men, appears short and can be easily overlooked.

So once the vote is over, the Senators are still wandering around talking, and the presiding Senator annouces that they're going to start debate on another amendement, and the Senators are still wandering around talking, and finally he bangs his gavel and says that the Senate must come to order, and asks "those Senators still involved in conversations to take them out to the corridor." It just struck me as kind of funny, like they were all being chastised for talking in class.

I left not too long after that, since I didn't figure anything else would be as exciting as a vote. At this point, there was a huge line in the hall to get in, since most people who got inside before or during the vote hadn't left. After more hallways and stairwells and more getting lost, I managed to get over to the House gallery, which was pretty much empty, since everyone was trying to get into the Senate gallery. There were about 5 Representatives in House, debating budget amendments. Mostly boring, yes. I didn't know exactly what they were debating about - I think it had something to do with some sort of amendement that would give the President power to cut spending by chosing items from the budget to cut - and obviously the Dems were not cool with this and were arguing in favor of specific items that could be cut and they felt were important. Some Republican Representative from Arizona got on a high horse to condemn the Democrats for not being willing to cut spending, saying things like 'I understand that we became the minority because we were spending too much. But I thought that now that you were in power, you would be willing to make those necessary cuts. But now the people voted you into power, and you want to spend more, when you wanted us to make cuts before.' He's acting all "disappointed dad" and it infurated me, because basically he's pretending not to understand the difference between sending all our money to Iraq (the reason they were voted out of power), and spending money to rebuild infastructure and clean up toxic waste here in the US, and also not getting what a bad idea it is to let the President, who's been sending all our money to Iraq, get to make the decisions on what to cut.

I seriously had to leave before I started yelling things at this smug bastard. So I finally made it outside via some small side door, and back onto the Mall. Note - there is basically noplace to eat on the Mall, so pack provisions (unless you are going into the Capitol - no food or drinks). I found a McD's thanks to a Smithsonian Facilities employee I stopped on the street, just before it started to pour rain. The McD's was right across the street from the US Department of Education building. Which has some lovely decorative entrances.



Anway, after leaving DC on Thursday, my friend Jenn (who lives in DC) and I went to Dewey Beach in Delaware, which is basically like the Hamptons for middle-class thirty-somethings on the East Coast. They go in shares on houses near the beach, and then come down every weekend from DC and Philly and New Jersey to sit on the beach, go to bars, get drunk and get lucky. It was kind of fun, but it's not really my scene, so I felt a little out of place. Especially because I didn't want to drink much (since alcohol, mixed with my meds, plus sunshine = sun poisioning), and so no one seemed to really know what to say to me. I had to keep turning down beers and shots, and I sort of felt like a recovering alcoholic in the middle of New Orleans Mardi Gras. There was some sun and I got some decent beach time, and enjoyed hanging out with Jenn, but the party beach thing is really just not for me.

So at last, I'm back home, with tomorrow off to run around and do about 50 chores.

through the looking glass

It says much about where I grew up that this museum is opening about 50 miles from my hometown.

I believe that I am way overdue for a roadtrip.

itchy, itchy

You know what's in the air? My seasonal restlessness. Every now and then I just get this intense need to GO somewhere. Maybe I'm just in a rut. I've been working pretty hard these past few weeks.

I don't know where I want to go, or what would be interesting this time of year. Too bad Six Flags isn't open yet.

What can scratch my itch?

mt. rainier in space

A few photos from my trip. I just got back this evening, and after working 8 days straight, I'm looking forward to laying around for a few days.

The Space Needle


Mount Rainier, from the plane on the way home. Note the tiny, tiny little houses on the plain at the foot of the mountain.


Mount Rainer, from a slightly higher altitude. Note the strange cloud formations that have developed around the mountain.

Seattle, part 2

Considering all the coffee they drink here, Seattle is a surprisingly laid-back town. No one is in a hurry to get anywhere or do anything. Compared to New York, Chicago is rather laid-back, but New York and Seattle would be like the Hare and the Tortoise. No one is aggressive or pushy. Cab drivers wait for you to cross the street before pulling out. It's beyond me how these people's ancestors got up the gumption to cross the mountains in covered wagons.

The waiters are different, too. In Chicago, waiters are mostly out-of-work actors, and they look rather clean-cut and generic. Here, even in fairly nice restaurants, the waiters look like guys in a weekend grunge band, tattooed arms and spiky hair. This city also has way more flannel than anywhere else I've seen. My theory is that flannel keeps off the mist.

And weirdly, despite the 80% humidity outside, the insides of the buildings are dry as dust. I thought Chicago in the winter is dry, but it's nothing compared to here. They must dehumidify the buildings. All of us Chicagoians have itchy skin, chapped lips and dry nasal passages. I feel like all the moisture is being leeched out of my body.

Checking in From Seattle

It's gray here. Very gray. but slightly warmer than Chicago.

There are so many freakin' hills here. Every place you go requires at least a partial uphill walk.

But as I came in, we flew over the Northern Cascades, which was amazing. The clouds were low, and the cloud tops were completely level. So the tops of the mountains were peaking through the clouds, looking like islands. And the clouds looked like white water lapping up to the edge of the mountains, snaking in where there was a low spot. The tops of the mountains looked small, and very close, until you looked very closely, and realized that those tiny specks were huge evergreen trees. Really, amazing. I was pissed that I'd packed my camera in my suitcase, rather than putting it in my carry-on.

I've pretty much spent all my time in the Convention Center, and all convention centers look pretty much alike. I did go to the Science Fiction Museum on Wednesday, which was pretty cool. Though my personal favorite part was the closed mini-amusement park outside, where I took some fun pictures. And, of course, I didn't bring my cord for my camera. I'm a failure.

But I'm a failure in a new time zone!

those who do not remember history

as a person who had a cardboard cutout of JFK in her room all through college, it seemed like a forgone conclusion that on a trip to Dallas, I'd squeeze in a visit to the Sixth Floor Museum.

so, I'm in Dallas for work, and this morning had a few free hours to spare. I've barely left the hotel since I got here on Wednesday, but with my free time, I hopped the local light rail three stops down the street to Dealey Plaza and the former Texas School Book Depository (Now the Dallas County Administration Building).

The sixth and seventh floors of the Book Depository have been transformed into the Sixth Floor Museum, which is home to a good museum chronicling the Kennedy administration and the assassination. The best artifact is the scale model of Dealey Plaza created by the FBI for use in the Warren Commission investigation. The museum was fairly crowded, but almost everyone was following the audio tour and as a result the place was nearly silent, except for the audio of the various film clips. The corner where the "gunnest" was located is surrounded in clear glass and is set up to look like it did when found (though not exactly, as the officers who found it disturbed the boxes in the site, so no one is exactly sure how it looked).

The disturbing part is the street outside. Two Xs are painted in the middle of Elm Street to indicate the two places where Kennedy was shot. By the further X, over on the grass (not far from the infamous grassy knoll) is a small plaque.



It says Dealy Plaza "has been designated a National Historic Landmark. This site possesses national signifiance in commemorating the history of the United States of America."

that's it. There's no mention of Kennedy or the assassination, save the two Xs painted in the streets. Men with posterboards about the assassination stand on the street corners in the plaza, eagerly pointing out the various sites to wandering visitors, while selling books detailing the conspiracy. Groups of smiling tourists stand in the fire line between Kennedy and Oswald to have their picture taken with tbe book despository in the background, or the grassy knoll, or the spot where the final bullet struck behind them. A few stop to read the plaque, but none seem to puzzle over it, and none seemed to stop to contemplate what happened on this spot.

The street is a busy one, leading to a highway, and I wonder at the people who drive over those Xs daily on the commute to work. Do they think about the significance, or is it such a part of their daily routine that it no longer interests them?

I tried to sit in front of that second X, next to the spot where that final shot struck, and think about what was and what might have been, how things might have been different if the car had swerved or Kennedy had ducked. I couldn't really think. I was distracted by giggling tourists and flash photography and traffic. By the people who visit these sites, without understanding the reality, the importance.

I went through similar feelings when visiting the Vietnam Veterans Memorial in D.C. These sites represent something grave and tragic in our shared history, yet they're treated by most visitors like a required stop or a carnival, with no interest in or emphasis placed on the sad historical memories these places hold. The plaque that marks the location of Kennedy's assassination cannot even be put into words - it must be described in vague euphamisms. It's hard for me to describe what I felt. Just a vague sense of unreality, and a bit of disgust. Like there should be something MORE. That the visitors to this site should have some sort of emotional connection, some sense of interest or outrage, rather than treating it like a souviner store.

But history, in all it's weirdness, survives, even when it's rarely noticed. At the corner of the book depository, at street level below the sixth floor window of the sniper's nest, is a plaque that states that the "building gained national notoriety when Lee Harvey Oswald allegedly shot and killed President John F. Kennedy from a sixth floor window as the presidential motorcade passed the site." And I discovered that some still pay attention, are still interested in or outraged by, our shared history. They remember history and how things can be changed in an instant. They care about the past. On the plaque, the word "allegedly" has had a line carved underneath it.

it's a roller coaster

i made it back from new york alive, the better for having visited brooklyn and the strand, and toting peanut butter and an alternate dimension. the shows went really well and felt good. details are available on the DSTW NYC Blog.

so i came home to disaster, in the form of boxes taking over the apartment. Ed is all moved in - well, in that everything is in the apartment. the act of figuring out where things will go, how it will fit, and how it's all going to look, is another thing. right now our place looks like an army training ground for teaching urban warfare. it's impossible to walk anywhere - every path requires dodging boxes or stepping over half assembled shelving or sliding between a bookcase and a box fan. we're both a little stressed out by the confusion and the changes, so if we can make it to the weekend without strangling each other, i'll consider it good progress.

apparently, i'm in new york (soon)

unexpectedly, i will be going to NYC for 6 days next week, accompanying the cast of Don't Spit the Water to the New York Fringe Festival.

the cast is required to have a non-performing producer/manager of sorts along, to handle problems, answer questions, and be the liasion between the cast and the festival. i had originally been invited to attend the festival in this capacity, but had to decline on the basis that my summer class ended on Wednesday, and I would have needed to be in NYC on Tuesday. after my class actually started, i was bitterly disappointed to learn that the prof wasn't HAVING class on the last Wednesday, as that apparently is "exam day" and we weren't having an exam.

so when I found out this afternoon that the liasion who was going to be attending suddenly could not, i managed to wiggle a few things around and will now be hopping on a place Tuesday morning.

I'm very excited, as the folks who are going are all great, and I had a fabulous time when I went last summer with WNEP. I'll feel like an old hand now, and rather than try to see everything, I'll be able to do the things I loved before while finding some new things to love.

having put a lot of time and energy into helping DSTW to succeed in the past year, it's also great to be able to have this reward with the cast, especially since my involvement, at least for the next few months, will be almost nil because of school.

my darling boyfriend is being a complete nice guy about my suddenly jetting off to the coast, seeing as how the weekend while I be in NYC is also the planned MOVE IN weekend. and he encouraged me to go and not worry about the fact that i'm dumping all the moving problems off on him (but of course I'll worry anyway and feel guilty, because that's what i do).

i think he just wants me gone so that he can move everything around and let the cats "accidentally" get out.

delayed photo gratification

Delayed, but up, photos from my recent trip to Florida.

Please note the photos of us irritating the local fauna.

florida dreamin'

D. and I returned from Florida late (stupid low cloud cover) Tuesday night. We had an excellent time, overall. We went exploring (saw Spanish fort ruins and gopher tortoises on an island), snorkling (D. found a sand dollar the size of a saucer), parasailing (no sharks), and shopping (lots of jewelery!). Pictures to come.

I didn't THINK i was all that tan, but everyone in my office seems amazed at my color, so I must be tanner than I thought (or else I was quite pale before). The only downer was the sun poisioning that I got on Monday, thanks to a build up of meds in my system (i forgot to take them the first few days, and then started again, but at a low level, trying to avoid sun poisoning). Apparently by Monday, enough of the extended-release drug was built up in my system to make me susceptible. After less than two hours in the sun, wearing sun screen, I began breaking out in a hive-like rash. When D. and I went in for lunch, my entire throat and chest had turned a patchy bright beet-red and swollen, and itchy. Similar patches broke out on my arms, and a mottled rash also broke out on my stomach and legs. It looked less like sunburn, and more like a poison oak rash.

Today, the rash is mostly gone (leaving behind no sunburn). I'm still pretty itchy, but at least I'm not red anymore. The meds I was taking that caused this didn't even warn of sun sensitivity, so let me tell you, people, when a med DOES warn of sun sensitivity, take it seriously. Get a sunblock that protects against UVA and UVB and cover up. Sun poisoning can happen fast, and it is NOT fun.

waiting to barf

i spent much of last night, and parts of today, about to barf, due to a drug interaction, I think.

sitting on the bathroom floor at 2 am, feeling your stomach churn and your mouth water, knowing the inevitable is coming, feeling it build up, has to be one of the worst feelings in the world. it's not like barfing when you are drunk, and it surprises you out of nowhere.

thankfully, i never did throw up. i hate throwing up. but since i never did, i just spent the night tossing and turning, my queasiness not allowing me a solid night of sleep. hopefully I'll fair a bit better tonight.

i've been back from new orleans for about a week. it was mostly a good trip, though i spent most of it working and didn't really get out much. new orleans is mostly a ghost town, the population dramatically decreased. the tourist areas are mostly up and running, though many major chain stores are closed, not from damage but from lack of workers, and most of the restaurants didn't have enough help. the outlying areas are a different story. i saw one business that has a trailer park set up in it's parking lot, and about half of the company's employees are still living in trailers in the lot, their houses destroyed and not yet livable. there is a good deal of construction and tarps and broken fences, street signs missing. I didn't make it into areas like the Ninth Ward, that were hardest hit.